Laughing at Ourselves

There are times you wish you were recording the scene. 

My husband and I were looking for, what we like to call, "Squeeze Cheese". You know, the stuff that's-bad-for-you in a can that swirls or gushes out when you push the top nozzle like you do on the whipped cream cans. 

Anyway......we couldn't find any of it at one store so we went to another, slightly higher-end store in a fancier part of town. We found the shelf well stocked with squeeze cheese, so we proceeded to grab about 4 or 5 cans of the stuff. 

We get to the checkout register where a teenage boy is looking bored and ready to end his shift for the night and go home. 

He looks at our bounty of squeeze cheese with a tiny twinkle of curiosity, but proceeds to run the cans over the scanner with the usual "Hello, have you found everything, blah, blah".

The next thing I know, my husband catches the boy's eye, nudges his head in my direction saying, "Sex fetish."

Both the boy and I look at my husband wondering if we heard what we thought we heard when my husband blurts out, "Yeah. She likes to cover me with cheese and call me cracker."

I laugh. The boy turns 5 shades of red and laughs nervously. I tell him that my husband is joking and we leave the store.

Yes. We are those people that others tell stories about. 😁🤣

Easily Offended

About a week ago or so, I was poking around on messenger and noticed that I had some 'Spam' messages. So of course, I HAD to look. 

One of these messages was from some woman telling me that whatever it was I had made a comment on, or reacted to, was NOT funny and "how would you like it if you got raped by MS-13? OH, but you're so ugly they would probably kill you right away."

Ummm....mmkaay. First of all, she never referenced what it was that I so badly offended her by commenting on, and, really? Do you feel the need to attack someone you don't know so harshly? 

I don't condone evil by spewing evil so I probably disagreed with something blatantly false in the whole post, yet she chose to attack me as if I were the mother of all terror groups. Yes, my vagina is the devil's playground. 🙄🤦‍♀️

Chill lady. It's Facebook, not the Bible. 

However, I did agree to her assessment of my looks while judging her on her intelligence and sensitivity.  

She got blocked. I went on with my life. 

#dontcondoneevilbyspewingevil

Abandoned Memories

Imagine if these old places could talk. 

I wonder what they would say?

Would they tell us about the sadness of being abandoned after long years of service? Would they tell us how the roof leaks, the boards are rotting, and the basement is full of water? 

Would you want to hang around and listen to that? Or to step inside?

Probably not.

I prefer to believe they would tell of the families they harbored under their sheltering roofs. The joys of seeing children born, the smell of great meals being prepared in their kitchens, and the prayers they heard being said at night. The gentle way they were cared for by the people living inside until it became clear they were no longer able to shelter them any longer. And now, how they belong to the memories of generations that will love them forever. 

Think about it. What legacy do you prefer to hold in the minds of those who love you? Tell the great stories. Tell the uplifting stories. Bring joy to those around you even if you may be falling apart. What you give will be returned tenfold. Give hope, give love.

~Cynthia French Gatlin

Out to Lunch

My husband and I went out to eat tonight at a higher end restaurant. 

I had to go, you know, so I went to the ladies room. 

I sat down to, you know, and I noticed this yellow thing on the ground. It took me a minute, but once I realized what it was, I had to chuckle to myself. 

Yeah, I couldn't help but wonder how that happened. 🤔 😧😲😬😆

I mean, I once questioned the ability of corn to remain whole on it's passage through our bodies, but I never once thought it would strike out on it's own once the journey was done. 🤣🤣🤣

Fresh Evil Butter

 Each movement she made was a slow and deliberate one.  Her head swiveling to catch each twinge of her hands as they unfolded the butter from its wrapper.  Much like a newly released butterfly from its cocoon, the block of butter was revealed.  Her eyes stared at its uncovering as if enchanted by a spell.

Hungry, stomach growling, the smell of toasted bread filled the air.  It was only a matter of moments before the glorious "kichunk" of the toaster would release its captive slices.

Carefully, her fingertips lifted the toast from its cage to be placed on the flimsy cardboard plate.  She then drew the butter knife from its allotted slot in the silverware drawer preparing to use it with great abandon.

Ever anticipating the burst of joy that would envelope her taste buds the moment buttered toast filled her waiting mouth, she sliced through the butter block to grab enough yellowy goodness to layer a thick spread of heaven all over the toast.

Alas! The pat of butter, so assuredly meant to be spread on hot toast, would not move.  Getting stuck on that first dollop, the bread began to rip apart rendering the fair maiden to tears.

"Damn you to hell evil butter!", she cried.

On the Quest to Recreate Old Family Photos

My youngest brother called me up the other day. Not an unusual occurance, however, this day we ended up discussing the fact that my oldest brother was going to be in Louisiana to visit our parents soon. He currently lives in Florida and has for some years. 

I live in North Dakota. My Stepdaughter and her Fiance have been visiting for a few weeks and I planned to drive them back home to south Arkansas. 

Well, since my parents only live across the state line in north Louisiana, of course I plan to visit. I decided to arrange my trip so I can be there at the same time as my older brother from Florida, my younger brother from New Orleans, and my other two siblings live in that vicinity. 

It will be the first time all five of us have been together at my parents house at the same time in, something like, 20 years! 

Naturally, my mind shifted to those old photos of us siblings all together. There is one in particular that has always made me laugh. 

Then my mind began to wonder if it might be possible to recreate that photo. You know, like you've seen other people do.  

Creating a "Parental Units Offspring" group chat, I proceeded to get my siblings input on this venture. 

My youngest brother is going to help me try to locate some clothing. He and I are going to hit the thrift stores in our respective areas to see what we can come up with. 

I have yet to hear back from my other two brothers and my sister.

To be continued........

I have been remiss in my duty to return and complete my story here. 

Yes, we did recreate the above photo along with a few others. As soon as I can figure out how to get my photos to load here, I will share the hilarious consequence of our quest here. 

Our Justice Today

Ok. Gonna rant for a minute. Or more.

Many of you don't think twice about the people that get locked away behind bars. I know I rarely, if ever, did before the unthinkable happened to my family. I always thought, "Well, they must have done SOMETHING to be put in there."

 How naive of me. How little did I know that it really doesn't take much when you don't know much. Being ignorant of the law because you, or people you surround yourself with, do not or have not been involved with the criminal justice system can eventually become a big problem in your life.

 When you're facing the fact that someone you love has been ripped away and you don't know what to do to help, you know they don't know anything about how the cops, investigators, prosecutors, and others work, and you have absolutely no way to talk to your loved one, you scramble to find a lawyer and pray that he will be the kind of person to fight with everything he can to help get your loved one out. You pay as much as possible because you believe this lawyer will do everything in his power to work for you.

 Then, when the air finally clears, you find out that the prosecutors are charging your loved one with ridiculous charges that you know are not right but your loved one has already signed the plea bargain because his lawyer told him that you can never win against the Feds and your loved one is pushing just to get all of this over with, you just decide - ok, we will get through this. We will survive this.

 Then you find out that these ridiculous charges also come with a ridiculous amount of time because, even though you know your loved one never harmed anyone and never "attempted" to harm anyone, those "attempted" charges come with the exact same mandatory minimum as the full blown actual crime. All because, during those old "tough on crime" days, our legislature allowed the Bureau of Prisons to recommend sentences for crimes, and made those sentencing guidelines part of the Federal regulations that must be followed, with no leeway given to judges or juries to adjust that sentence based on the individual case.

So now, your loved one is facing an extraordinarily long time behind bars with very little or no chance for an appeal or parole. Ok, we will face this. We will continue to pray for some type of criminal justice reform that will allow people to have their case heard over, or looked at again, or have those minimum mandatory sentences repealed and retroactively applied.

 So.....now we find that, while in jail or prison, the food is horrid and inedible in many places, there are some jails and prisons that are run more by the prison gangs than the Corrections Officers, and there are some places so full of mold, bugs, and other contaminants that your loved one has the potential to get sick. And then, he may or may not get the medical attention he needs. It just depends on the way that particular jail or prison is run.

 So.....now we figure out that we can put money on the "books" so our loved one can buy commissary items to increase his daily caloric intake, keep his basic daily hygiene routine, wear shoes and clothing that don't fall apart, and continue to stay in touch. All of these basic items, food, soap, shampoo, socks, shoes, underwear, toothpaste, stationary, envelopes, stamps, books, magazines, HAVE to be purchased through the prison canteen. Phone cards also have to be purchased through a prison approved corporate business.

These items are not priced like your local Walmart. A single block of Ramen noodles is almost a dollar. It's not unreasonable to pay up to, or over, 25 cents per minute for a phone call. And if you have a problem with a product or phone call? Good luck getting restitution.

According to the BOP, all people in prison should be placed within 500 miles, if possible, from their families because regular visits reduce recidivism rates. Great! So why, in all the Federal government wisdom, do they continually place people far enough away from their loved ones to make it hard to have regular visitation? It usually takes a good bit of money when you have to travel. Gas, food, lodging, airfare.

Then you have the restrictive visitation regulations once you do get a chance to visit. Many people get turned away because they happen to be wearing something that the visitation guards deem "inappropriate". You cannot take anything in with you except for money for the vending machines and it's a limited amount. The visitation rooms are generally uncomfortable and crowded.

I'm sorry this was so long but my point is: Don't think it will never happen to you.

Learn about the criminal justice system in your country. Vote for those legislators that want to reform this system into a more humane approach to rehabilitation over punishment.