Ok. Gonna rant for a minute. Or more.
Many of you don't think twice about the people that get locked away behind bars. I know I rarely, if ever, did before the unthinkable happened to my family. I always thought, "Well, they must have done SOMETHING to be put in there."
How naive of me. How little did I know that it really doesn't take much when you don't know much. Being ignorant of the law because you, or people you surround yourself with, do not or have not been involved with the criminal justice system can eventually become a big problem in your life.
When you're facing the fact that someone you love has been ripped away and you don't know what to do to help, you know they don't know anything about how the cops, investigators, prosecutors, and others work, and you have absolutely no way to talk to your loved one, you scramble to find a lawyer and pray that he will be the kind of person to fight with everything he can to help get your loved one out. You pay as much as possible because you believe this lawyer will do everything in his power to work for you.
Then, when the air finally clears, you find out that the prosecutors are charging your loved one with ridiculous charges that you know are not right but your loved one has already signed the plea bargain because his lawyer told him that you can never win against the Feds and your loved one is pushing just to get all of this over with, you just decide - ok, we will get through this. We will survive this.
Then you find out that these ridiculous charges also come with a ridiculous amount of time because, even though you know your loved one never harmed anyone and never "attempted" to harm anyone, those "attempted" charges come with the exact same mandatory minimum as the full blown actual crime. All because, during those old "tough on crime" days, our legislature allowed the Bureau of Prisons to recommend sentences for crimes, and made those sentencing guidelines part of the Federal regulations that must be followed, with no leeway given to judges or juries to adjust that sentence based on the individual case.
So now, your loved one is facing an extraordinarily long time behind bars with very little or no chance for an appeal or parole.
Ok, we will face this. We will continue to pray for some type of criminal justice reform that will allow people to have their case heard over, or looked at again, or have those minimum mandatory sentences repealed and retroactively applied.
So.....now we find that, while in jail or prison, the food is horrid and inedible in many places, there are some jails and prisons that are run more by the prison gangs than the Corrections Officers, and there are some places so full of mold, bugs, and other contaminants that your loved one has the potential to get sick. And then, he may or may not get the medical attention he needs. It just depends on the way that particular jail or prison is run.
So.....now we figure out that we can put money on the "books" so our loved one can buy commissary items to increase his daily caloric intake, keep his basic daily hygiene routine, wear shoes and clothing that don't fall apart, and continue to stay in touch. All of these basic items, food, soap, shampoo, socks, shoes, underwear, toothpaste, stationary, envelopes, stamps, books, magazines, HAVE to be purchased through the prison canteen.
Phone cards also have to be purchased through a prison approved corporate business.
These items are not priced like your local Walmart. A single block of Ramen noodles is almost a dollar. It's not unreasonable to pay up to, or over, 25 cents per minute for a phone call.
And if you have a problem with a product or phone call? Good luck getting restitution.
According to the BOP, all people in prison should be placed within 500 miles, if possible, from their families because regular visits reduce recidivism rates. Great! So why, in all the Federal government wisdom, do they continually place people far enough away from their loved ones to make it hard to have regular visitation? It usually takes a good bit of money when you have to travel. Gas, food, lodging, airfare.
Then you have the restrictive visitation regulations once you do get a chance to visit. Many people get turned away because they happen to be wearing something that the visitation guards deem "inappropriate". You cannot take anything in with you except for money for the vending machines and it's a limited amount. The visitation rooms are generally uncomfortable and crowded.
I'm sorry this was so long but my point is:
Don't think it will never happen to you.
Learn about the criminal justice system in your country. Vote for those legislators that want to reform this system into a more humane approach to rehabilitation over punishment.
Sunday, October 20, 2019
Saturday, October 19, 2019
The Glorified Toilet
Ok, so. This is me telling my brother about me, my son, and my son's fiance's experience at a nail salon one random Friday afternoon.
Yeh, I love the massage chair.
But, the bathroom at this place was the best. The toilet was equipped with a control pad on the side of the seat. You had heat, bidet front, bidet back, dry, massage, and I think that was it.
I went in there and saw it when we arrived. I LOVED the heated seat. Then I tried the bidet. It wasn't a torrential stream and it didn't hit the exact target but it cleaned. I kept thinking it was going to stop automatically so I sat there for a while before noticing the "stop" button. I then hit the "dry" button and felt a few little poofs of air. I used paper to get an actual dry. LOL.
I thought about the massage but decided I had wasted enough time and didn't want everyone thinking I was pinching a loaf. 😂
When I got back to my pedicure seat, I told Zech and Kaleiah that they HAD to use the bathroom before we left.
Zoom to after their toenails were dry and we were getting ready to leave. I remind them to go check out the bathroom.
Kaleiah goes in. When she comes out, we discuss having the same lengthy wait on the bidet thinking it would auto stop, and how it didn't exactly stream in the right direction. She did mention it had different strength levels you could set and how the heater had different temp settings too. She said she tried the massage button but it didn't do anything.
Ok, by this time, Zech had gone in and come out and we were heading out the door.
Zech said he didn't poop but tried the bidet. He said that stream of water hit him EXACTLY on the booty hole with hurricane force. He said it cleaned back to last week. 🤣🤣
I asked him if he tried the dryer. He said, "No, way."
I asked him if, after the bidet experience, he was afraid the dryer would blow strong enough to make his nuts flap around and bang together like wind chimes. 🤣🤣🤣
I was crying laughing so hard that it took me awhile to start the truck.
My brother said it was the longest poop story he had ever heard.
Me:
Ren French you know you loved it. 😂
Plus, I think Kaleiah might have, unintentionally, set Zech up when she, possibly, messed with the bidet stream controls and, unknowingly, set it to "super blast" level. 🤣
Yeh, I love the massage chair.
But, the bathroom at this place was the best. The toilet was equipped with a control pad on the side of the seat. You had heat, bidet front, bidet back, dry, massage, and I think that was it.
I went in there and saw it when we arrived. I LOVED the heated seat. Then I tried the bidet. It wasn't a torrential stream and it didn't hit the exact target but it cleaned. I kept thinking it was going to stop automatically so I sat there for a while before noticing the "stop" button. I then hit the "dry" button and felt a few little poofs of air. I used paper to get an actual dry. LOL.
I thought about the massage but decided I had wasted enough time and didn't want everyone thinking I was pinching a loaf. 😂
When I got back to my pedicure seat, I told Zech and Kaleiah that they HAD to use the bathroom before we left.
Zoom to after their toenails were dry and we were getting ready to leave. I remind them to go check out the bathroom.
Kaleiah goes in. When she comes out, we discuss having the same lengthy wait on the bidet thinking it would auto stop, and how it didn't exactly stream in the right direction. She did mention it had different strength levels you could set and how the heater had different temp settings too. She said she tried the massage button but it didn't do anything.
Ok, by this time, Zech had gone in and come out and we were heading out the door.
Zech said he didn't poop but tried the bidet. He said that stream of water hit him EXACTLY on the booty hole with hurricane force. He said it cleaned back to last week. 🤣🤣
I asked him if he tried the dryer. He said, "No, way."
I asked him if, after the bidet experience, he was afraid the dryer would blow strong enough to make his nuts flap around and bang together like wind chimes. 🤣🤣🤣
I was crying laughing so hard that it took me awhile to start the truck.
My brother said it was the longest poop story he had ever heard.
Me:
Ren French you know you loved it. 😂
Plus, I think Kaleiah might have, unintentionally, set Zech up when she, possibly, messed with the bidet stream controls and, unknowingly, set it to "super blast" level. 🤣
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Visitation Day
Surprisingly, the form was basic and the guard was helpful and in a good mood. We handed over our keys and identification, placed our clear baggie (with no more than $20 in change) and our jackets in the tub to go through the scanner, walked through the metal detector, had our hands stamped, and went into the next waiting area.
Here, I had the chance to talk to a couple of the women who were waiting. An older woman was visiting her son. She had to get her niece to drive her from Kansas City because her other son was busy with work. She had been to this prison on visitation day a few other times in the past so already knew what to expect.
Another lady was there to visit her son also. She came with her daughter-in-law, a niece, and, I think, a daughter. They all had flown in from Detroit. It was her first time to visit her son in over a year. It was also her first time visiting at this prison.
After some small talk, which NEVER includes what our loved ones were charged with, we had our handstamps checked by another guard and we were led into the visitation room.
As you walk in though a short hallway, the first thing you notice is the restroom on your right marked "inmate restroom". Then you notice the room has cinder block walls. Most were painted an off white color. The wall on your left had murals of an eagle and flag, a pinkish heart filled area, and a purple butterly filled area, and the visitor restrooms. The far wall had murals of an outdoor cabin with a lake at sunset, and the mascots of the Vikings and Packers divided by green and purple lightening. The right wall was blank but had the desk where the guards sat watching during visitation. The wall behind us as we walked in was where you found the vending machines.
It's a good thing Toby came with me so we could bring a whole $40 in for food and drink. A regular sized Minute Maid orange juice, that you would pay around $1.50 for at a convenience store, was $2.50. A small bag of chips, $1.50. A nasty microwave cheesebuger, $5.75.
I bought my son as much junk food as he wanted. LOL. Toby and I did not eat. Toby did, however, get coffee that cost $2.50 per cup.
Robbery. And they think the people in jail are the bad guys. Pfft.
The seating arrangement for visitation was much like going to a bus station or airport. Five seats connected together in a row. There were a couple of the areas with the seats facing each other so you could grab a short plastic "table" to set your food and drinks, or play cards.
The cards they have available are a conglomeration of different decks where you have to sort them out to make sure you have a full deck of 52 cards. They also have Uno and Phase 10 card games and dominos
Once the visitation room starts filling up with people, it starts to get loud which makes it harder to hear.
There is a childrens area for the kiddos to go play. They must have only had one childrens movie, Shark Tale, or something like that, because it seemed to be on a continual loop for the two days I was there to visit.
Seeing my son and being able to hug him for the first time in 10 months caused me to shed some tears. I apologized to my son because I really didn't want him to see me like that. LOL
The first thing I did was look into his eyes because I wanted to see if that sparkle had been stolen from him.
It was muted, but it was still there, thank you Jesus!
I was able to finally ask him all of the questions I had bottled up inside for so long. Most of the answers were, pretty much, exactly as I suspected all along.
The rest of the visit was filled with conversations about friends and family, what he will be doing while incarcerated, and playing cards. All this with one interruption for count and the hourly call out for inmate bathroom break.
I never thought I would ever end up visiting someone I loved in prison. I never believed circumstances, misunderstandings, and the powerful fear of the Federal prosecution would end up making a plea bargain, with a mandatory minimum sentence stealing a huge chunk of a young mans life, a very real possibilty in my life.
I, like many others in this country, miss my loved one. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how much he is going to miss in his life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how, with a few questions and by blocking a person on the phone, all of this could have been avoided.
You stole my son from me because you thought he was something he was not. You ruined a life while you continue to live yours. I hope you find peace in what you've done.
He will survive this. He will grow strong. He has already learned that you can't trust talking to people on the internet that you don't know.
So, thank you for that.
Until the day he gets to come home, I will treasure every opportunity I have to get that hug, to see his face, and to hold my little boy just for those few moments on visitation day.
Sunday, May 12, 2019
Diet and Exercise
I suppose I would consider myself to be Christian. It is the religion of my parents and the one I've most closely aligned myself with as I've grown up. However, I refuse to identify with any particular organized Christian religion because there does not seem to be any more agreement among them as there is with political parties.
I try to keep my mind open and seek to understand those that I may not necessarily agree with. I want to think for myself. I am a product of my raising, just like all of you. However, I refuse to remain a one dimensional person when this world is changing faster than most of us can grasp.
Aren't you tired of the fighting? Aren't you tired of always trying to prove your point of view?
Do you believe there must be a middle ground somewhere? A place where we can all find an understanding and finally find peace with each other?
In science, they say we are all simply made of particles of matter. Cells clumped together to create a human being. Well, you know how you can change some of those particles to make yourself slimmer or fatter? By diet and exercise.
Imagine changing the particles of your brain matter to be able to grow fatter with knowledge. The knowledge to help you gain a firmer understanding of other human beings.
Imagine slimming down the particles of baggage you've been carrying around. The baggage containing all those strong held thoughts and unyielding beliefs.
You feed your brain with a diet of reading, listening, and watching.
Read books about other cultures, other religions, other places, and other people.
Watch programs you wouldn't normally watch. Not with an eye to disagreement but with an open mind to honestly watch what is being shown.
Listen to radio stations, programs, and podcasts that you never listen to. Your initial reaction will be to turn it off or change the station. But give it an honest listen with an open ear. Start with at least a half hour.
Do this with all things and people that you know nothing about. All things that you may not have ever considered as something you would agree with. Your mind will expand as you gain a better understanding of those things and people that are not like you.
This is not a diet designed to "brainwash" you, unless your mind is easily bent. It is simply a way to help you kickstart your mind to think for itself and shake up those strongholds that refuse to let you view the world in a different light.
You exercise your brain by visiting new places. It doesn't have to be far. Visit a new church. Maybe one of a different religious affiliation. Will you feel weird? Most likely. Will it make you feel like you are "sinning" against your God? Well, there you have it. If your religious upbringing has such a hold on you, that you can't visit the church of a different religious affiliation for a single service, then maybe your mind has been stuck in a rut and needs the exercise to help it expand.
If you have the means, visit a different country or a different part of your own country. The USA is so different from one end to the other. We all have these stereotypes stuck in our minds about what people from the south are like, people from the north are like, and people from the west coast are like, that we will never be able to see the differences as a bonus to our own way of thinking unless we can visit that part of the country to see for ourselves.
You might be surprised to find that most people are just like you. Hard working, family loving, and just trying to get by every day.
Stop and talk to a street person. Yes. Do it. You might find that they were once like you. No, you don't have to give them money or help them. Unless you feel better about yourself if you do. I find that most charitable giving (to street people or panhandlers) is done because one feels better about oneself by doing it, not out of any real need or desire to help that person.
We all want so badly to believe that whatever we have been taught, whatever we have learned, whatever we have been telling ourselves for all these years is the "right" way to believe, that we tend to only listen to, read about, and align ourselves with others exactly like us. It takes diet and exercise to change our bodies. It also takes diet and exercise to change our minds.
I try to keep my mind open and seek to understand those that I may not necessarily agree with. I want to think for myself. I am a product of my raising, just like all of you. However, I refuse to remain a one dimensional person when this world is changing faster than most of us can grasp.
Aren't you tired of the fighting? Aren't you tired of always trying to prove your point of view?
Do you believe there must be a middle ground somewhere? A place where we can all find an understanding and finally find peace with each other?
In science, they say we are all simply made of particles of matter. Cells clumped together to create a human being. Well, you know how you can change some of those particles to make yourself slimmer or fatter? By diet and exercise.
Imagine changing the particles of your brain matter to be able to grow fatter with knowledge. The knowledge to help you gain a firmer understanding of other human beings.
Imagine slimming down the particles of baggage you've been carrying around. The baggage containing all those strong held thoughts and unyielding beliefs.
You feed your brain with a diet of reading, listening, and watching.
Read books about other cultures, other religions, other places, and other people.
Watch programs you wouldn't normally watch. Not with an eye to disagreement but with an open mind to honestly watch what is being shown.
Listen to radio stations, programs, and podcasts that you never listen to. Your initial reaction will be to turn it off or change the station. But give it an honest listen with an open ear. Start with at least a half hour.
Do this with all things and people that you know nothing about. All things that you may not have ever considered as something you would agree with. Your mind will expand as you gain a better understanding of those things and people that are not like you.
This is not a diet designed to "brainwash" you, unless your mind is easily bent. It is simply a way to help you kickstart your mind to think for itself and shake up those strongholds that refuse to let you view the world in a different light.
You exercise your brain by visiting new places. It doesn't have to be far. Visit a new church. Maybe one of a different religious affiliation. Will you feel weird? Most likely. Will it make you feel like you are "sinning" against your God? Well, there you have it. If your religious upbringing has such a hold on you, that you can't visit the church of a different religious affiliation for a single service, then maybe your mind has been stuck in a rut and needs the exercise to help it expand.
If you have the means, visit a different country or a different part of your own country. The USA is so different from one end to the other. We all have these stereotypes stuck in our minds about what people from the south are like, people from the north are like, and people from the west coast are like, that we will never be able to see the differences as a bonus to our own way of thinking unless we can visit that part of the country to see for ourselves.
You might be surprised to find that most people are just like you. Hard working, family loving, and just trying to get by every day.
Stop and talk to a street person. Yes. Do it. You might find that they were once like you. No, you don't have to give them money or help them. Unless you feel better about yourself if you do. I find that most charitable giving (to street people or panhandlers) is done because one feels better about oneself by doing it, not out of any real need or desire to help that person.
We all want so badly to believe that whatever we have been taught, whatever we have learned, whatever we have been telling ourselves for all these years is the "right" way to believe, that we tend to only listen to, read about, and align ourselves with others exactly like us. It takes diet and exercise to change our bodies. It also takes diet and exercise to change our minds.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Golden Rule
Consider how you treat others.
Not just in what you do for or against them, but also how you talk to them or about them.
What you do, what you say, and how you act reflect who YOU truly are.
Don't blame your actions on something you heard, something you were told over and over to believe, or something you refuse to give up on even though it may no longer make sense.
Think for yourself. The post below says "God". It can mean "the higher power or creed" you live by. None of us live, breath, think, or believe in the same way.
Why then, do we continue to use and abuse others, whether by deeds or words, simply because that person refuses to see things the way we do? Stop trying to force others to change their views or opinions. Calling them names isn't going to suddenly change a person's mind. In fact, it may make them hold tighter to that opinion because they believe your attack on them is justification that they are correct.
All of this division we see is created by us.
Not by "them", not by "they", but by the collective "US".
Next time, before you go on a rant, stop. Think. Consider your words and actions.
Next time, before you start telling some juicy piece of gossip, stop. Think. Consider your words and actions.
Next time someone makes you mad, stop. Think. Consider your words and actions.
Ask yourself if what you are about to say or do reflects your true self.
Social Media Hatred
Every time I see a media post, it's something sure to draw division. Why do you continue to take the bait??
I see people spewing hatred at others simply for voicing their opinion.
I see people denigrating each other over a post that may or may not even be factual.
You do realize, don't you, that the person you are hating on may be someone you could actually be friends with if you didn't let social media thwart your opinion?
When will we all wake up? When will we all realize that the hate mongers are out there and doing extremely well since social media became their favorite playground?
Stop taking the bait. Stop allowing yourself to get so caught up in your own opinion that you don't even realize you are being used as fodder for the social media grinder.
Think for yourself. By all means, please, form your own opinions. But, for heavens sake, realize you are being used when you allow that opinion to become your justfication for annihilating another's self worth.
Remember, when you are tearing down another person, you are saying something about yourself. Even, or maybe especially so, when its a person you don't even know.
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